


My Lie in August

by 2hyunlove



Series: The Moments Where You and I Exist [2]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, melancholiac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2hyunlove/pseuds/2hyunlove
Summary: (REPOST) Kim Jonghyun writes a simple letter of confession to Hwang Minhyun about the biggest lie he's ever told.





	My Lie in August

**Author's Note:**

> [REPOST WARNING]  
> This is actually a repost of a fic I deleted a couple of weeks back. I just wanted to add it into the collection "The Moments Where You and I Exist" because it fits the theme.
> 
> I'm not sure if anyone has ever heard of "Shigatsu wa Kimi ni Uso" but if you do, you'll find this is heavily inspired by that anime/manga. (But no character death :D )

Dear Hwang Min Hyun,

It feels strange, writing a letter in this day and age but I feel I owe it to you.

You are an annoying desert fox. You're clingy. Noisy. And a complete idiot who never realised how much I lied to you. Or how long I've known you even before you ever knew me.

The first time I saw you was when I was six years old. My mother wanted me to learn how to sing so she took me to a children's choir performance. I wanted to stay home and play my video games.

The stage was a mess. So many crying, fidgeting kids who just wanted to go home. I had the same sentiment. Among them though, there was a quiet, calm kid who stood out for being so well behaved. He stood quietly with his arms at his side and he was smiling at the air in front of him in an unfailingly polite way. I thought he was an idiot.

But the moment he opened his mouth to sing, he won me over. The other voices faded into the distance and all I could hear was his voice. Pure, clear, a tone so sweet that it dripped hi-definition color into my world.

I told my mother I wanted to learn how to sing, I wanted to sing beside you someday. (I attended a dance school instead. Don't ask me what happened to singing classes. You know why I don't like to sing.)

I didn't see you again until high school. I was overjoyed to find out we were in the same school. How should I go about talking to you? Can I join you when you eat lunch?

In the end, I can only gaze at you from afar. After all, you had Minki, Dong Ho and Aron with you. You all got along far too well. There wasn't any space for me to even fit in. Not I who had little to no presence to begin with, not when you all shone so bright.  
I met you once, when we were sophomores. I was in the city bookstore browsing the manhwa section when you came, looking at the bookshelves in mild puzzlement. You probably do not remember.

You asked me if I had any recommendations for you. I could barely stammer out an answer and just shoved the manhwa I was reading at you. I didn't even hear your response because I had to get out of there. Your presence was too bright. I was not ready.

Stupid, stupid. I should have taken the chance then.

It was in the third term of our junior year of high school that I realised, after the cherry blossoms had all fallen softly to the ground and a gentle but cold breeze nipped at my nose and turned the tips of my ears red, that it was our last year and it was my last chance to try.

It was at that time that I started to run. I didn't want to leave any regrets behind when I left high school so I did what I thought I had to do.

I started to wear contact lenses.

I changed my hairstyle. I dyed my hair a silvery blue. I joined a dance group.

And at that time, I also told the biggest lie of my life.

I lied that Kim Jonghyun hated Hwang Minhyun. That lie brought before me the fiercely defensive Choi Minki, so angry at my slandering. I kept the lie going because I knew, eventually, it would bring Hwang Minhyun in front of me.

Please apologise to Minki, Aron and Dong Ho for me. I didn't mean to deceive them so thoroughly. I'm a person who follows rules too closely. I didn't know how to approach all of you. Your friendship felt like an unassailable wall.

I knew that the only way I could get any of your attention was to insult one of you. So I did. The Hwang Minhyun that my shoddy lie brought me was different from my imagination.

More than I expected, you were annoying and pretty obsessively compulsive about cleaning. You were stubborn and obstinate. A perverted, clingy desert fox.

More than I expected, you were generous and forgiving.

More than I expected, you were unfailingly gentle and attentive.

But just as I expected, you were mindful of others. And you still smiled so politely at nothing at all.

Just as I expected, your voice, so much closer to me, drenched my world in all the colors of the rainbow and in between. My world never felt so alive until I was with you.

When we spent the night by the Han river singing our lungs out under the twinkling, night sky, it felt really great.

When you stayed with me at school to help record my performance so I can improve my dancing, I was really thankful.

When you let me ride behind you on your bike on the way home, singing Galaxy, I was totally off-key. I'm a terrible singer. But you were perfect.

How about you? Was I able to find a place in your heart? Even a little? I hope you'll think of me sometimes in a favorable light.  
I'm a dancer but my heart is filled with so many things away from the stage. It feels strange. Now that it's time to say goodbye, why is it that I just can't forget all these small things?

Isn't that strange?

I'm sorry I called you a stupid retard initially and even fought with your friends. I'm sorry I pushed you away so many times, even though we started becoming friends.

I am sorry for being so selfish and keeping this all to myself. You've been nothing but unfailingly straightforward and I gifted you a year built on lies. The real Kim Jonghyun is an introverted person who likes staying home and playing games and watching anime. If I hadn't changed, you would never have noticed me otherwise.

I really am so, so sorry.

Although the beginning was a lie, I tried to be as honest as possible in the year that followed.

I'm glad it was you.

Hwang Minhyun, I love you.

I love you.

Congratulations on graduating.

Goodbye,   
Kim Jonghyun


End file.
